One girl and one boy is just not enough.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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