We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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