There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
