Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
