fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
