I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
