walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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