I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
