Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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