yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
