So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
