it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
