matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
