and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
