she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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