areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
