is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
