We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
