I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
