About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
