I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
