she smelled like a LAN party
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
