We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
