He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
