do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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