He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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