My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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