I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
