Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
