i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
