remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
