So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
tonight lets celebrate not being married
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
