so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
