Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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