Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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