The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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