After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
