I understand Curling. That high.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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