he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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