no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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