you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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