u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
