You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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