Do you still have your period?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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