Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
