Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
