Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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