i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
