You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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