Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
