She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
